Pantone under scrutiny for repeated color profiling

Aerial shot of last week's Pantone blacks' street demonstration

Pantone was again under the spotlight after it introduced a new spin on their Black gamut. This marks a departure from the political correctness shown in recent times, with Yellow color Mimosa winning 2009’s Color of the Year, in a clear acknowledgment of Yellows’ increasing influence in world chromatic affairs.

“After the deliberate Mimosa honeymoon, Pantone are back to their roots: color profiling, cataloguing and exploitation. Blacks are being advertised again with stereotypical imagery such as the night, mysteriousness and strength…the typical adjectives to caricature an otherwise rich and complex color family,” said Amar Gudjonsson from color watchdog Fairness in Hues. Gudjonsson argued that Blacks are, once again, reduced to concepts instead of serial numbers, “because Pantone assumes that no one knows the fucking difference between Black C and Black 4C. It is a double discrimination to serve capitalist marketing purposes.”

Black differentiation continues to be much higher than that of Whites, and despite repeated efforts to balance the figures, darker tones’ heavy use of ink cartridges has kept them heavily supervised and controlled. For Black groups, screen displays continue to be their stronger channel of self expression, with software equality champions such as AutoCAD going as far as having Black as their default background color. “Programs and the web have kept our spirit alive. But even there we suffer. The new AutoCAD versions will use Gray, which has slowly taken over the insufferable design world. I hate Whites, but Grays are what will ultimately bring us down,” remarked 419C, somber about what made a Black nowadays.

Shortage of extra virgin olive oil hits refugee camps worldwide

Despite sponsorship, refugee camps remain without olive oil

UNHCR released today a scathing report that further stresses on the appalling conditions suffered by millions in relation to their access to gourmet products. The annual report Neither Pecorino nor Côtes du Rhône: A World Review, focuses on the steady decline of delicatessen supply, largely overlooked in recent worldwide support and relief initiatives. Refugee camps have been hit the hardest, with extra virgin olive oil provisions hitting an all time low. This has created significant tensions within the institution itself, as italian brand Filippo Berio still remains sponsor of all UNHCR tents, and had guaranteed in their contract stable provisions regardless of declines in production.

“This is not only an issue of morality,” argued UNHCR representative Dolores Wang, “but a lethal blow to salad etiquette. These days, we have had to lubricate our sustainable greens with some cheap adulterated Portuguese oil. It is a shameful disgrace,” concluded Wang, while grinding some parmigiano-reggiano on her lunch pasta. At press release, it was not clear whether any refugees gave a crap.

Room for Manoeuvre fails LEED environmental design certification

Official floor plan of Room for Manoeuvre (courtesy of Arup)

The highly anticipated construction of the Room for Manoeuvre saw a damaging setback yesterday, after international grading system LEED rejected the site’s application for environmental certification. This comes a week after UK’s BREEAM also denied the room any chance of obtaining its approval. Initially advertised as a paragon of sustainability, the Room for Manoeuvre now looks to become just another sweaty, noisy hellhole, showing its traditional what-does-it-really-stand-for character. Failing the certification standards will also hinder any substantial differentiation from competing projects The Space of Negotiation and ambitious Middle Ground.

Building the Room for Manoeuvre has gone from rhetorical to unpractical. Conflicts arose from the start between architects and engineers: the former group argued the room could not be bound by conventional walls, as it had to adapt and reflect the necessities of its occupants, while the latter said that idea was too flamboyant and expensive. The engineers advised against the room altogether, having never understood “what this bullshit is all about,” informed Arup project manager Gajbaahu Lipponen. However, Arup continued the project because it still fitted into their plan to rule the world’s built environment. “Manoeuvre all you want, my friend, but this needs a reinforced concrete perimeter. These days it’s all about protection. If not, I guarantee in two days this space will be filled by all sorts of opinionated douchebags,” added Lipponen.

The Room’s environmental failures were myriad, with contamination spilling since the foundations layout. The stench of empty metaphor was so strong after the first weeks that neighbours started complaining. Missing BREEAM and LEED requirements then seemed an inevitable outcome. The project has also been plagued by precarious cash flow; lack of funds made it impossible to design the room everyone hoped for, in what seems to be the room’s perpetual destiny. As of now, Arup reported limited budget for the lounge but enough to put basic fixtures in the toilet for manoeuvre.

Nikolos Johnson, assistant architect, reflected on the project’s failures: “For starters, I just want to remember how to spell the fucking word without checking the dictionary. About the project itself, well… it’s a shame. We aimed at everything, and in the end got nothing. Forget Gold or Silver… we missed LEED Certified, which is kind of a gimme these days, right? It’s embarrassing” he lamented.

International Aid wins Euphemism of the Year award

"And the winner is an all-caucasian Ameri... uhm... International Aid!"

Perennially shortlisted, International Aid has finally won the coveted Euphemism of the Year (EOY) award, leaving behind years of near misses and contentious debate on its historical merits. The award culminated an emotional roller-coaster for International Aid, which had lost Comeback of the Year to Friendly Fire earlier in the night. A celebratory roar followed the moment host Glenn Beck revealed the winner, with contrasting reactions seen all around the Kodak Theater. Singer/activist Bono left visibly disgusted (following last week’s rumours that he wanted the nomination himself), while Bill and Melinda Gates jumped in elation throwing $20 bills uncontrollably.

“We are as happy as one can be,” said expert Yevgeny Pérez, during the awards after-party hosted by Sean Combs. “International Aid has a strong reputation as one of the most solid, elegant euphemisms ever. Not only does it sound global and clean, it means absolutely whatever the hell you want it to mean. From mosquito nets, to money laundering, to bombs destroying markets and killing dozens of innocent civilians, a lot has been successfully covered by the International Aid branding. No easy task, and it was about time we acknowledged it without being ashamed. I totally l.o.v.e. the decision,” added Pérez.

As Euphemism of the Year, International Aid received a secret five million dollar donation from NATO, to better improve draconian migratory measures in certain European borders under the label of ‘cooperation initiatives’. Additionally, International Aid is now entitled to demand being spelled in serif-only fonts, to add gravity and classicism to its written image. However, new-found glory points to a larger, less self-complacent audience: “Even though it has been widely used, from rhetorical newspaper headlines to misconstrued national budgets, this will launch the concept to new realms, dawg. I am looking forward for it to be used in more aspects of daily life, even if less solemn. After this party, for example, I’m gonna get me some international aid from the Dominican girls at Avalon, if you know what I mean,” mentioned Combs.

The award shortlist was completed by newcomers Trained As An Architect and Lollipop, together with previous winners Collateral Damage and God Bless America.