International Aid wins Euphemism of the Year award

"And the winner is an all-caucasian Ameri... uhm... International Aid!"

Perennially shortlisted, International Aid has finally won the coveted Euphemism of the Year (EOY) award, leaving behind years of near misses and contentious debate on its historical merits. The award culminated an emotional roller-coaster for International Aid, which had lost Comeback of the Year to Friendly Fire earlier in the night. A celebratory roar followed the moment host Glenn Beck revealed the winner, with contrasting reactions seen all around the Kodak Theater. Singer/activist Bono left visibly disgusted (following last week’s rumours that he wanted the nomination himself), while Bill and Melinda Gates jumped in elation throwing $20 bills uncontrollably.

“We are as happy as one can be,” said expert Yevgeny Pérez, during the awards after-party hosted by Sean Combs. “International Aid has a strong reputation as one of the most solid, elegant euphemisms ever. Not only does it sound global and clean, it means absolutely whatever the hell you want it to mean. From mosquito nets, to money laundering, to bombs destroying markets and killing dozens of innocent civilians, a lot has been successfully covered by the International Aid branding. No easy task, and it was about time we acknowledged it without being ashamed. I totally l.o.v.e. the decision,” added Pérez.

As Euphemism of the Year, International Aid received a secret five million dollar donation from NATO, to better improve draconian migratory measures in certain European borders under the label of ‘cooperation initiatives’. Additionally, International Aid is now entitled to demand being spelled in serif-only fonts, to add gravity and classicism to its written image. However, new-found glory points to a larger, less self-complacent audience: “Even though it has been widely used, from rhetorical newspaper headlines to misconstrued national budgets, this will launch the concept to new realms, dawg. I am looking forward for it to be used in more aspects of daily life, even if less solemn. After this party, for example, I’m gonna get me some international aid from the Dominican girls at Avalon, if you know what I mean,” mentioned Combs.

The award shortlist was completed by newcomers Trained As An Architect and Lollipop, together with previous winners Collateral Damage and God Bless America.