The Special One for CampLands (Op-Ed by José Mourinho)

José Mourinho wants Respect for this blog.

I want to state it clearly: El Duque, Pablo Fanque and I are the only people deserving Respect in the bloody world of Development. I couldn’t say no when they asked me to write the first Op-Ed for CampLands, although my time is very precious (as the reader might know, in the last years, I have been involved in several redemption programmes for football teams with an embarrassing past or present).

As a Portuguese, I know the recipe of a genuine colonialism, i.e. development: the merit of CampLands is to list the ingredients of that recipe. Information Technology to solve conflicts (Joe Biden, what a genius), the Losers’ Rank to understand who should be given priorities (thanks George Clooney, it’s not a case we look alike), music as the best way to stimulate sympathy and Portuguese olive oil sold as it was made in Italy.

There’s another thing I want to state clearly though: if those two losers are just trying to make money out of my name, to gain exposure through my OpEds, then we have to talk. Firstly, as I said, my time is precious and my fee would be equal to the GDPs of a few Global South countries. Secondly, El Duque and Pablo Fanque should tell me when they deliberately decide to offend my favourite single of the 80s. Do they know it’s Christmas? Well, I guess they don’t, since the amount of crap they wrote on We Are The World sounds as false as Arsene Wenger’s hair.

Well, I have to admit that el desarrollo era un puterio ante de CampLands, quoting my friend Diego Armando Maradona. But still, those two bastards will have to try hard to involve me again in this.

Besht, JM

George Clooney’s T.R.O.L.L.: What’s worth fighting for

Clooney's initiative sponsored by Texaco: "A matter of heart", he says.

Interviewed by a journalist of the british tabloid The Sun, George Clooney has recalled once again the tragedy of Darfur, with an interesting comparison to its recent malaria problem: “Poverty and hunger are not” he says “something we can fully understand. Only in a condition of illness I found myself able to understand what those people are facing everyday”.

He speaks of pure and deep sympathy and remembers how the same sensation was not as strong when he first visited the Balcans in the 90s: “I can’t explain exactly why but I think social misfortunes cannot be treated the same way all around the world. We should concentrate our efforts on whom we really care about. Darfur people are in my heart, those Balcanians simply were not, with their passion for poorly dubbed French movies and their developed neighbours”. Love at first sight, then: Clooney smiles.

Therefore, after his idea on Darfur inspired to the Big Brother, he has just launched, with the help of the social sensitive oil company Texaco, another brilliant campaign that projects the world of development toward a more contemporary approach: the Texaco Rank Of Love Leaks (T.R.O.L.L.) that  according to him could replace in a few years all the other criteria of assessment used by the United Nations. Bono, from his Dublin residence, claps his hands and says “It is a new dawn: finally we’ll know where to focus our energies. We are sorry for whom will remain out of the rank, but they are simply too many”.

Launched yesterday on his personal website, TROLL has so far registered Much Sympathy (M.S. in the new technical jargon) for the following groups:

1- Christian Egyptians

2- Muslim Egyptians

3- Haitians, the morally pure ones

4- 2004 Portugal national team football players still in therapy

5- Children of Darfur

With a simple click everyone could contribute to decide whom the Clooney & Friends NGO is going to help. It seems Palestine could still get its chance, given the positive trend initiated by the rest of Middle East. Hurry up and don’t lose this opportunity: the poll will close on the next 6h of May, Clooney’s fiftieth birthday.